Jaxx

As we watch our pets grow older, we want to make sure they are free of illness, pain and suffering. Does illness have to be physically visible? Does pain or suffering have to be literal? What happens when these elderly pets start to forget things? What happens when they become anxious over activities they previously enjoyed? Or apathetic? These are all things that generally progress slowly but do have a dramatic  affect on their quality of life.  Changes like these are much harder to visualize, quantify or even admit there is something wrong with our pet.

Jaxx was diagnosed with Canine Cognitive Dysfunction (CCD) in November, a disease very similar to Alzheimer’s in people.  With 20/20 hindsight, he had been showing symptoms much longer than that. Honestly, it was when he started exhibiting symptoms that affected my quality of life that I really took notice.  He began exhibiting "sundowning" where his sleep/wake cycle was disrupted causing him to scream at night.  All night. For several days in a row. It was at this point that we got the diagnosis and started on medication and nutritional support.  It was also at this point that I started looking back at some of the other changes he has exhibited.  He used to love to go for car rides, but lately would cry on rides longer than just a few minutes.  He used to be the cuddliest dog, but would no longer cuddle or even sleep in bed with me. He used to cry when I went to work, and now settles quietly and goes back to sleep. He has gotten lost in his crate with the door wide open and couldn’t figure out how to get out. He can’t walk straight but circles, always to the left.  He got lost walking down the stairs, he got all the way down to the last step and couldn’t figure out how to get down the last one.  He has always been a chow hound, but started to leave food behind in puzzle feeders or Kong’s. He even forgot to eat a couple of meals. He always wanted to be with people, and now doesn’t always seem to notice or prefers to be alone. We visited a veterinary neurologist who confirmed his diagnosis and was a wonderful resource to talk though the very difficult issues of quality of life with this disease. Although in great physical health, the changes happening in his brain will never improve. The anxiety and distress of these cerebral changes were in fact negatively impacting his quality of life, he no longer loved or cared about the activities he used to enjoy. Although extremely hard for me to admit, I knew it would soon be time to give him the ultimate gift of peacefully crossing  the rainbow bridge.  

Jaxx on his homecoming from the shelter. 2007.

Jaxx was everything you would expect in a French Bulldog. A clown. Lover of all living things. Stubborn. A true Bouledogues Francais. Just as the ones working with the belles de nuit in the late 19th century attracted attention, Jaxx similarly drew passerbys’ gaze and reveled in it everywhere he went. Did I mention stubborn? He managed to get into so much trouble we would joke about him having more lives than a cat. I don’t recall at what point the ‘take a picture first, rescue dog second’ rule was inacted, but it was almost always impossible to follow. Not to rescue him first, but to rescue the chocolate birthday cake that we still wanted a piece of. Or to rescue the remainder of a 10lb bag of organic sugar, there were more body scrubs to be made.  After eating rat poison for the first time, he learned what the hydrogen peroxide bottle was and would not let me anywhere near him if I was holding it.  He was much smarter than I ever gave him credit for. He helped expand my sister’s toxicology education with the second, novel rat poison he ate. 

Despite living with anxiety his whole life, he had a fierce, stubborn, independent streak. He managed to slip through the gate several times, once getting picked up by NYPD several blocks away.  They didn’t know what to do with him so they used some crime scene tape as a leash and tossed him in the back of the squad car. Another time, he walked into a neighbor’s house while they were unloading groceries. They didn’t know what to do so they gave him some steak.  I thanked them profusely since I now knew the first place to look for him if he got out again.  Looking back, some of his more notable panic attacks are quite hilarious, although quite disturbing to both him and I at the time. Shortly after I adopted him, he squeezed out of my car in the Circuit City parking lot. In a dazed panic, he ran in circles around the lot with me close behind. I finally breathed a sigh of relief as he neared the entrance as I thought he would be cornered and I would be able to grab him. I was wrong. He was heavy enough to trip the magnetic sensors in the doors so continued his dazed running throughout the store. Up one aisle. Down the next. The store was packed, not one person said a word to me but I knew exactly where he was as everyone’s heads were looking in the direction he went with their jaws hanging open. I wish I had asked for footage from the security camera; that was along time ago, had it happened today we would probably be able to find it on youtube. He mangled the steel hardware on a door in my apartment. He destroyed his first crate. He destroyed a large stuffed lizard filled with small white beads.  The apartment looked like a blizzard came through. He tried to jump out a second story window after pooping in the middle of my bed and destroying the blinds in the window. He ate the turn signal lever in my car. He took a nose dive into a hot tub. His white was never as white as it was that night!

Agility was the changing point in our relationship and lives. Weekly classes gave Jaxx enough mental and physical stimulation that his brain chemistry seemed to stabilize and we were eventually able to wean him off medications.  He still needed a lot of rules, routines, and structure every day but he became receptive so we were able to do other training at home as well. Initially, agility was all fun and games but we did attend a few competitions. He took home 3rd place for a standard course, a tunnel course and a gaitor course. I don’t remember the stats, but it very well could have been 3rd place out of 3 dogs. What really mattered was that he found a place he could be comfortable, he found his place and was able to succeed, and have fun doing so.  He found his "job". He amazed people everywhere when they found out he did agility. I would probably be able to retire now if I had a dollar for every time I heard "a French bulldog doing agility?! I have to see that!"

Jaxx was a city dog through and through. He hated anything and everything nature-y. He would prefer to walk on a sidewalk then on the grassy patch alongside it. He hated rain, and snow, and mud, really he hated any kind of water.  Despite these preferences, he loved to be with me and overcame his distaste of nature to spend time with me. We went hiking, kayaking, camping. He would ask to go into the car while sitting around a campfire, but was more than happy to snuggle into my hammock or sleeping bag at bedtime. We went for walks, for bike rides, to the park, to the dog park. We went on car rides and road trips. We went on the ferry, we went sailing. We went to the beach, to the mountains, to farmers markets and craft fairs, to festivals, to breweries, to parties, we explored. Some of the things that bother other dogs never phased Jaxx. I have fond memories of wandering around my Bronx neighborhood on the 4th of July with all the neighbors having massive parties and setting off (illegal) fireworks. Jaxx trotted along with me pleased as could be with all the noise and chaos.

Ever tolerant, Jaxx didn’t seem to care when Henry decided that Jaxx was now his dog. He looked mournfully at me when Henry, at a mere 6 mos old, tried to grab him by the scruff and drag him across the floor but otherwise completely ignored the kitten.  He had a harder time ignoring Lia when she came into the household as a rambunctious puppy. She wanted to play, he would rather have treats. He did give her a run for the money and play with her, but always and only on his terms. When he was in a playful mood, he rebuffed Gatorbait’s attempts to be the fun police.

His snuggle-ability is what I will miss the most. Grandma once commented after an extended hospital stay that no one in the family loves her any more- no one but Jaxx that is. She had no recollection of anyone in the family being there with her, but she remembered Jaxx snuggled in the hospital bed with her. We gently reminded her that someone had to bring Jaxx to be there with her. Now, this is a trip he must make on his own. Jaxx, it is your time to go snuggle with grandma and remember how much you are loved on both sides of the rainbow bridge.